Deshon on Pride, Adoption, and Mental Health at the Intersections.

“As I got more into art and having different racial experiences, both negative and positive, today it's the idea of accepting yourself and all elements of yourself, not just being a part of the gay community.”

-Deshon

As Pride Month and Men’s Mental Health Awareness Month comes to a close, I sat down with Deshon - a gay, transracial, international adoptee to explore identity and belonging. His story is a mirror for many adoptees navigating layered identities and a reminder that healing is, personal, communal and looks different for everyone.

Deshon was adopted from the Philippines into a white family in the Midwest. Like some international adoptees, he grew up with love - but not necessarily with language, history, or mirrors that reflect him back (aside from his two brothers, also adopted from the Philippines). Deshon came out as gay in his mid-teens but the truth had been with him for much longer. What took time was not the knowing, but speaking and living authentically. This is Deshon’s complex story backed with the the quiet power of resilience and self-definition.

Identity & Intersectionality

1. How do you define yourself today, and how has that evolved over time?

My name is Deshon, a 39-year old gay male that was adopted and came to America when I was 1/1.5 years old. I lived in the Midwest for a greater portion of my life; College in Green Bay, graduate school in Minneapolis where I stayed for 13 years. I have now been residing in Dallas, TX for the last 3 years. Today, I would define myself the same, I like to say I'm a country boy at heart that loves the city life. To be honest, I never really identified more than just myself, not really knowing or caring to know more about my cultural roots or letting my sexuality define myself. I know at some point I started becoming more interested in my Asian background, why or what that triggering thought(s) is still unknown, it just developed naturally. If anything, I call myself an artist and/or therapist more than anything else.

2. What has it meant for you to grow up as a transracial adoptee—especially across borders and cultures?

I don't think it has meant too much or I haven't really thought about it. I think later in life, and even more so now I'm appreciative of it and of my parents. There's always thoughts of what life may have looked like if I hadn't; I doubt I would have had the amazing pleasure to enjoy lutefisk (a traditional Nordic gelatinous seafood dish). My family has always been the family I've only known. Growing up in a small SW Wisconsin farming community I didn't really know too much about culture. After moving to Minneapolis I started working and became friends with people of the Hmong community, and was first introduction to other Filipinos besides my adopted brothers. I came out when I was 16/17 years old and it was very new and unknowing. Though college and there on it's shaped some beliefs and values, again, it's just never been a sole identifier for myself.

3. How do your racial, cultural, and queer identities intersect, and how do they shape your daily experience?

It was actually meeting the Filipinos in Minneapolis that I felt outcasted by them. They wouldn't call me a true Filipino because I didn't grow up there, spoke any of the language, nor had any food or cultural ties to it, and through the grapevine, I learned they thought less of me that way. I didn't know them all too well, we never got close and always held my guard up against them, I never got invited to their "Filipinos dinners/lunches" in the time of knowing each other, which basically told me these were people I didn't need to know any better than socially. Prior to this I had been in a long-term relationship of 7 years before I left the relationship; It was mentally and emotionally abusive and somehow I found the courage to be done with it; But without that relationship I wouldn't have some of the friends that I do now. Gay, straight, you'll get your dose of racism, stereotypes, etc. from everyone, and still do. The gay scene has changed, while there's been progress, we're are also seeing a decline to this day. In a world where looks matter, there's a need to look and dress a certain way. I drank from that cup at one point. What started out as a "revenge body" after the break-up became a dangerous obsession. My ex helped me learn to appreciate who I am. Now, I'm a neon-colored wearing individual that also still loves to go out in sweats and a tank. Some may think it's for attention, the reality is that I do it for me and what others think is what they think, though, those are always subconscious thoughts, but that's probably for anyone. These days I'm learning more about my Filipino cultural at a food level one dish at a time and sharing that experience with my boyfriend and friends. Overall, my life is pretty simple and consistent. Work, gym, eat, relax, do it again the next day, and mix in time with friends weekly.

Adoptee Pride without a Blueprint

4. Can you speak about your journey with adoption—how has it impacted your understanding of home and family?

I guess there isn't much of a journey for the greater majority of my life. My parents had told me and discussed it with me at a young age and never thought much more than that. I've read what little information there is in my file and it has maybe 2-3 pictures of me in the orphanage. Home and family was what it was, it's what I grew up in. It's the values that were installed to me by my parents and the relationship with my siblings. My parents will always be my Mom and Dad, and I will always reference my biological parents as just my biological parents. So the majority of my life really means up to about 2-3 months ago in March/April 2025. For sometime I had been wondering about doing a DNA test to have a better understanding of health history and maybe it would give me insight to where I get features or characteristics from, knowing that I had at least two older siblings per my birth certificate. I had joked that it would be crazy if they showed up. Well, crazy knocked on my door as I got the results and there were two matches of siblings. I had immediately called my Mom and told her, 15 minutes later I took the plunge and messaged them not knowing if they would get it as I didn't know when they took the DNA test as well. Three hours later we were messaging each other, with the two already knowing each other for the past 5 years. We later found out that one is a year younger, so there is at least one more of us out there in this world. What makes this story more wild is that the younger one grew up in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, about 3-3.5 hours from where I grew up; And yes, we are planning to meet this June when I'm up for my nephew's wedding. I will say there was this weird, automatic connection in just how we spoke and felt natural. So there will be more to this story in just a week.

5. What does Pride mean to you personally—especially considering your multifaceted identity?

Pride has changed from where it started with me. Upon moving to Minneapolis, being gay was still something new, and being in a bigger developed the idea of what Pride meant to me, the identity of being gay and accepting yourself and the community. As I got more into art and having different racial experiences, both negative and positive, today it's the idea of accepting yourself and all elements of yourself, not just being a part of the gay community.

Men’s Mental Health | Unsilenced & Survival

6. What are some unique mental health challenges you’ve faced as a gay transracial international adoptee?

Coming out was rough. Not really knowing why I had an attraction to men as it wasn't seen in the area I grew up and just not having the resources to learn more. I became the angry, rebellious teenager, and it wasn't until the threat of boarding school and having some good gay mentors that I was finally able to have that conversation with my parents, and it was like the world shifted back to normal.

7. Were mental health conversations present in your household growing up? If not, how did you learn to seek support

What's mental health? I don't think issues were discussed very openly when I was younger as they are now with my family, but that's due to different health issues that have occurred, etc. For the most part, life was simple and laid back, I was liked in the community, I didn't have issues in high school. I just know that somewhere in high school I liked the idea of understanding what made people "clicked" which eventually led me to getting my Master's in "Art Therapy" and "Marriage & Family Therapy." I believe support is always around you, you just need to know where to look, and for me that has always been my friends, and together you go through each other's difficulties together.

8. How do you take care of your mental health today? What tools or practices help you stay grounded?

I would love to say that art keeps me grounded, as much as I love doing it, it's just as stressful. For me, it's the gym. It allows time to focus on something else and out of the house; I work from home so I'm always home. And then video games, music, and friends. As I mentioned, finding good, trusting, supporting friends that are willing to tell you that you're an idiot. I keep small, close-knit group of people around me, and I prefer it that way, I just know those are the people that I can count on when I need it most.

Representation | Voice & Legacy

9. What would you say to other men struggling silently, especially those carrying layered identities like yours?

You also need to be willing to work on yourself and admit when you're in the wrong. Be ready to change because you can't make progress if the time isn't right, you just then need to do what you need to get by at that time. Just know yourself, your triggers, know what works for you to get over a hump so you can later jump across the ravine. It takes time and dedicated work to be able to do so. It's learning to accept yourself for who you are, make the changes you want to see for yourself and not because it's what's expected of you or the approval of others, and if they don't, maybe you don't need them in certain aspects of your life or it's entirety, you get to make that decision. I like to call a point in time of my life, "My Own Little Hell," and working through all the emotions and feelings that developed because of it I became the confident person I am. Your experiences help shape you, not define you, you get to decide what to do with them.

10. What do you wish allies or even other LGBTQAI+ folks better understood about your experience?

I think it's just to know it so they have a better understanding of who and the way I am. What they do with that information is up to them, I'm not about to give time to debate or say "You should have done this. Ask questions if you like. Just know that dumb questions will get dumb answers. You can have three guesses as to what my ethnicity is. And I will tell you that my family is from North American, I will tell you that they're from the United States, I will tell you that they're from the midwest, I will tell you that they're from Wisconsin. I will tell you that my parents do not speak Tagalog. I will tell you that my parents do not cook Filipino food. And yes I will make you feel stupid or annoyed for asking those questions until you realize I was adopted. As I've said, it's never been a significant component of my life, and to me, those types of questions are more personal, in most scenarios not something you should be asking on a first time introduction, and see them as a means for you to see how "Asian I am."

11. Who or what inspires you to keep showing up authentically—even when it’s hard?

I know it's cliche to say, and the answer probably wouldn't have been this years ago, but my parents. There's been changes in their values and beliefs throughout the years, but they've always been the same people I've known since I was a child. As to what may inspire me, hard to say, I just wake up and do what I do without real thought. On the other hand, it's a question to myself of how I am being and asking myself am I being me or the person I want to be in this situation. It's having an understanding of yourself and when you feel "off," you can ask yourself, "Is this me?"

12. If you had the world’s attention for one minute during Pride and Men’s Mental Health Month, what would you say?

I hate public speaking so I probably wouldn't say anything, haha. As a general message, "Just be you. Remove the glitz and the glam, the stereotypes, the expectations of yourself and society, and be you. Follow and work towards that dream or goal, be the person you want to be, just do it for you. Not everyone needs to like you or accept you, and not everyone will.

13. What would you tell your younger self, the one who might have felt ‘too different’ to belong?

Not a thing. Every experience that I've had shaped me into the person that I am today and I wouldn't want to change that journey.

Final Thoughts: Finding Belonging Without Erasing Ourselves

Deshon’s story reminds us that being proud is not about perfection, it’s about about wholeness. This Pride and Men’s Mental Health Awareness Month, his voice joined a growing chorus of adoptees saying: We exist. We feel. We belong.

To any adoptees reading this, especially those holding multiple marginalized identities: you are not alone. Your complexity is not a burden. It’s a testament to your strength.

Layers of Identity